Satire | Shirtless Doti convinces student body to give millions to Chapman endowment

Doti

President Emeritus Jim Doti convinced undergraduates to donate millions to Chapman endowment in an event titled “Doti the Yogi.” Photo illustration by Kali Hoffman

In one of its largest-ever fundraising events, “Doti the Yogi,” Chapman raised upwards of $3 million entirely from student contributions. The event featured President Emeritus Jim Doti practicing yoga on Wilson Field in front of all 6,410 Chapman undergraduates.

“I was trying to figure out if they would take Venmo,” said Chad Smith, a junior business administration major. “I’ve never seen someone so chill and with such well-aligned chakras in my life. I had to donate.”

The 71-year-old Doti, who donned a small plastic headset, Lululemon yoga pants and a shirt that read, “Ask me about my panther,” began with some basic poses like downward dog, cobra and happy goddess. About halfway through, Doti transitioned into more difficult poses like the wounded peacock and handstand scorpion.

Just before striking the formidable face pose, Doti removed his shirt, announcing, “I love higher education, how about you?” at which point, the donation bank received an “astounding surge” in donations.

“Sure, I’ll have $150,000 in student debt when I leave here,” said Lindsey Thomas, a senior philosophy major. “But when I heard Doti’s calming voice over the loudspeakers and he absolutely nailed the happy baby pose, something just came over me. I just felt like it would be wrong of me not to donate at least $200 for such a worthwhile cause.”

Content on this page is satire for ‘I can’t believe it’s not news,’ The Panther’s April Fools special issue.