Publication of The Panther will resume on the first day of the semester, Sept. 2.

Fishing in a small dating pool

Guest column by Kaz Koltai, senior communication studies major. 

You are sitting in a coffee shop. You’re rereading your copy of “Bossypants” since remembering your love affair with Tina Fey after watching Amy Poehler and her kill at the Golden Globes. You’re so engrossed in the life of the real world Liz Lemon and her musings that you almost don’t notice the incredibly cute guy who just walked in.

You try to play it cool as you check your hair and make sure you haven’t spilled any of the hot chocolate you ordered so you could still sit and look cool after realizing that you didn’t understand what half of the drinks on the menu were.

As you slyly watch your potential Astronaut Mike Dexter order his drink, you get so lost in the daydreams of your future whirlwind courtship; you don’t even realize he’s begun to walk over to the nook where you’ve seated yourself.

Numbers vary, but recent polling data by Gallup asserts that about 2 percent to 4 percent of the U.S. population identifies as lesbian, gay or bisexual. For the sake of argument, let’s say you are in a room of a hundred people. Depending on the setting, a little over half of them are going to be women – if this room is at Chapman, that number gets a bit closer to 60, which leaves about 40 guys. Of that initial 100, an average of three of them are going to be lesbian, gay, or bisexual. Half of them are going to be women, so chances stand that only one and a half of those guys are going to be sexually attracted to men.

Well, assuming I’m already in the room, it’ll be half of a guy. That’s without the possibility he might not have come to terms with his sexuality and may not yet identify as gay or bisexual. So we’re left with half of a maybe gay guy. Awesome. Let’s hope he watches “30 Rock” too.

Before you begin to lament how there are no good men or women left to date, realize that there are some of us who have a much smaller dating pool to go fishing in.

Appreciate that if you find yourself attracted to someone of the opposite sex, there is a decent possibility that they could be just as attracted to you – or at least your gender. The biggest challenge you probably face is working up the courage to ask them out. Worst-case scenario, they turn you down, already have a boyfriend or girlfriend and so on. My worst-case scenario? Getting pummeled by the guy who was freaked out by the queer who just tried to flirt with him.

When it turns out that the coffee shop Astronaut Mike Dexter wasn’t walking over to sweep you off of your feet – he’s actually in a happy, long term relationship with his girlfriend, Laurie, an English major from Texas, and every other seat was taken except for the one across from you – realize you probably still have a shot with any other guy in the place, or any of the girls if you’re a straight guy. Me? I’m at the other table hoping my half of a maybe gay guy walks in.

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