Best place to break up with someone: Beckman’s fourth floor patio

The dismal mood of the estranged Beckman fourth floor patio is the best place to break up with a significant other. GABRIELLA ANDERSON Staff Photographer

I think a good majority of us thought that we would be “the ones” to make it with our high school sweethearts. The couple that would break the statistic, ultimately becoming the two people lucky enough to find their soulmate at the matured age of 16. Others among us knew that if high school wasn’t the place, college was sure to be our time to find that special someone; after all, campuses are central places to find people of all different interests, hobbies and backgrounds.

If you’re one of those lucky people who has found their person already, I salute you. It takes courage to know that you’ll be with that one person forever, and ever, and ever … But for the rest of us – from the serial daters to the friends with benefits to the on-again-just-to-be-off-again couples – well, we’re not so fortunate. And for those of you navigating the difficult world of dating at Chapman, you should know the best place on campus to break up with your almost-special someone: the random outdoor patio on the fourth floor of Beckman Hall. Think about it.

The door is always unlocked, there is never anyone up there and the dismal mood you and your about-to-be ex will be matched with the early 2000s era furniture and the sad, sad plants. Now how, you may ask, are you supposed to get your “will one day be just a memory” partner up there without it being weird or random? I wish I had a solid answer. Tell them it’s a great place to see all of campus: after all, it is. Or take them up there to see the Disneyland fireworks (but as you have seen in this issue of The Panther, it’s not Chapman’s best viewing spot.)

Better yet, take them up there during Winterfest so you can both see the pretty snowflakes projected on the side of the library. These visual distractions might just take the sting away for a hot second before you let them down gently, or not so gently: I don’t know your style. All I can tell you is that if you are destined to break up with your college fling while here at Chapman, don’t be an idiot and do the deed in the Starbucks courtyard or sitting in plain sight in Atallah Piazza.

Give the person their dignity and break up with them somewhere where they can stay and cry without anyone seeing. And definitely don’t do it at the dorms. The energy around there is already weird and rather depressing. What I can tell you from personal experience is that you should always break up with your almost lover in person. I chose an off campus location when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend last year – the bench outside of the church in the Orange Plaza – and I did it via text. I know. You can judge me for it later. Now to be fair, he was on the other side of the country and the text took the form of a letter rather than a “OK bye” snippet of a message.

But if I could do it over, I would’ve tried to take him up to the Beckman patio over winter break, just to get the full experience of the fair, realistic deed that is the good ol’ fashion breakup. But in all seriousness, breakups are never fun or easy and I hope that if you do venture up to the Beckman patio one day to end what used to be a good thing, please take care of yourself afterward. Have a plan. Go to the movies, go get your favorite snack. Have your roommate prepared with junk food and your favorite show, so it’s all set up when you get home. And above all, never go back to the Beckman patio again.