Weezer’s new album is death to good music

The alternative rock band’s unreleased B-sides in “Death to False Metal” should not have been released.

Please, just make it stop.

The alternative rock band Weezer, which formed in 1992, released its ninth album, “Death to False Metal,” on Nov. 2. Its biggest hits “Beverly Hills,” “Say It Ain’t So” and “Island in the Sun” have helped the band go triple platinum. This album is filled with songs made over the last two decades that did not fit onto other albums. I can see why the tracks did not make the first cut – they aren’t good.

“Death to False Metal” is a jumbled mess. The 10 tracks on the record make the four-man band sound more like whining teenage boys rather than men well into their forties.

In the remake of Toni Braxton’s late ‘90s hit “Unbreak My Heart,” lead singer Rivers Cuomo’s voice sounds horrible. At times, his screech-like singing of “uncry these tears” made me cringe. Cuomo tries to make his voice steady for long periods, but it sounds shaky and out of tune.

Another song that made me want to turn off my iPod was “Autopilot.” The lyrics were just strange. They weren’t imaginative or catchy, just plain disgusting: “When I walk to the park with my doggies, I collect all the things they leave, and I put them up under the microscope, and I’m so impressed by what I see.” What is he impressed by? I’m certainly not impressed to see what my dogs leave behind for me to clean up. But at least his voice is in tune for this song.

“Blowin’ My Stack” has a good sound, but it is about being unable to face the challenges in life and alludes to smoking a joint to make up for failure. Cuomo sings, “but I’m pissed off ‘cause no one cares, they walk on by me like I ain’t even there, so I’m blowin’ my stack.” It’s not the most motivational song. Again, they are too old to be writing such poor lyrics and references to getting high.

The song “Everyone” repeats, “I want to take you somewhere” and “everyone … just suck a thumb.” It has no purpose or substance to it. Even the music accompanying the lyrics does not flatter the song. It sounds like a thrashing conglomeration of noise rather than a smooth melody.

“Death to False Metal” is a disappointment. The songs and music are written poorly, and Cuomo tries to hit notes out of his vocal range. Weezer should stick to creating the upbeat alternative-pop albums that made it famous. I won’t waste my money on it, and you shouldn’t either.

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