Satire | Student concerned with university’s inability to hold him accountable for lack of effort


Chase Wilson puts in minimal effort, but he’s disappointed in Chapman that he somehow manages decent grades. Panther Archives

Chase Wilson, a senior strategic and corporate communication major, said he was disturbed by Chapman’s inability to hold him accountable for his persistent lack of motivation and effort.

“I just don’t get it,” Wilson said. “I study for like a half hour before each test and I get at least a B on everything. My essays are haphazard at best and often put together lazily in a structure that could be wildly improved. And still, I’m met with As and Bs on my work. I am sick and tired of Chapman allowing me to cruise along with this type of half-hearted effort.”

Wilson’s mass communications professor, Dave Thompson, said he had been “really impressed” by Wilson’s effort in class and the way he demonstrated his understanding of modern communication.

“A lot of kids come in here, they get on their laptops and they zone out,” Thompson said. “And I thought Chase might be one of those kids, too, because he sits at the back of the class and doesn’t always show up on time. But after I got his first essay, ‘How social media has changed traditional business models,’ I realized there’s no way he could have written that without paying eagle-eyed attention to my lectures. He’s just a quiet listener – that kid is going places.”

Wilson said he simply checks Blackboard, where Thompson uploads each of his lecture PowerPoints.

“I swear if I get in an A in his class, there will be hell to pay,” Wilson said.

Content on this page is satire for “I can’t believe it’s not news,” The Panther’s April Fools special issue.